Goodbye 2015

Hello everyone!!

It's safe to say that 2015 was just a crappy year in general. We were hit with more mass shootings than ever seen before, there's a billionaire bigot who is the top choice for President, and discriminatory ideology is at an all time high.

Now, I don't want you to feel upset because all of these things happened. Instead, I'd like you to recognize these tragedies and realize that we are still a strong world. Not only did bad things happen, many things have finally been accomplished this year. Legalization of gay marriage in the US, the gradual rise of minimum wage, and another presidential candidate who, for the first time ever, actually gives a **** about the youth and the current disappearance of the middle class, known as the lovely Bernie Sanders.

I hate to get all political on you guys because this is a lifestyle blog but it does interest me and I think its important for people my age to care about current events; good or bad.

On a more personal note, 2015 was probably the worst year of my life. I'm not over exaggerating, this year definitely kicked my ass and made me consider whether I should move on or not. I was diagnosed with moderate depression in the early fall, my friends were dropping me one by one, and the combination of work and school overwhelmed me so much that I initially just shut down.

Each day I would wake up and there would be this dark cloud over me. I was always tired and my mood was constantly monotonous, not ever really sad but definitely not happy. I didn't think my parents or friends would understand and that just made me feel more alone than ever. I admit that I did have suicidal thoughts but never thought of attempting. I merely thought, "Would everyone's lives be better if I wasn't in the picture?". Then, I thought about how my parents would feel and I know going through with it would bring them down with me.

This is all quite hard to deal with, but the best thing you can do with these horrible issues is to grow from them.

Eventually, I told my parents and they were more understanding than I ever thought they would be. They helped me find a doctor to help me figure out the right path for me.

Very recently, I'm talking around mid-December, I decided that I needed to stop feeling sorry for myself and turn my life around. Mental illness is, unfortunately, a common thing but with that comes more opportunities of treatment. My medication really turned me around and helped me through my problems. Also my best friend, Ashley, was basically a makeshift therapist for me because she actually understood.

Outside Lands 2014

I began to make better friends who genuinely cared for me instead of using me as a convenience. I focused more on my schoolwork instead of work and was able to smack down a 4.0 GPA for the semester. Everything began to turn around and I finally saw that glimpse of light amongst all of the dreary clouds that took over me.

I'm not trying to say that feeling sorry for yourself when it comes to mental illness is bad, because it's not and it's important to take time to work on yourself and love yourself. Mental health is a very touchy subject but at the same time it should not be considered taboo and considered just as crucial as physical health. Maybe if it's treated as such we wouldn't feel as obligated to feel ashamed of it.

I realized that what helped me the most was to surround yourself with people who love me and care for me, because being lonely hurts. It forces you to think negatively about yourself, that maybe no one cares about you, but I cannot emphasize enough how false that is.

Today is January 3rd, 2016 and currently I am sitting at my desk writing this post pretending my life is organized when really I have piles of clothes surrounding me. I am content and I am happy. I haven't been able to honestly say this since 2014, but my life is good and I have no complaints.

Although my story is somewhat identical to millions of other people's stories, I do believe is possesses some form of significance. Being able to grow from my hardships feels remarkable, a feeling I've never experienced before. It doesn't matter how common the story is, it matters that the sentiment is real and there was some type of positive growth that came out of it.

Outside Lands 2014

Below are some of the "resolutions" that I've decided to partake in this year. I do hate the word "resolution", always seems to add a sense of overwhelming responsibility. I'd love to hear yours as well so please feel free to share!

1. Wake up happy and grateful every day.

2. Meditate for 15 minutes at sunrise and at sunset.

3. Have at least 3-5 super healthy meals per week.

4. Exercise to feel good, not to look good.

5. Love everyone around you, and pray for those who do not love.

6. Do a daily devotion (for me it's a Bible scripture).

7. Do not let the temptations of social media rule you.

These seem to be slightly more realistic than others and still have the ability to change my life for the better. I hope to stick to these for the rest of my life, and will be updating about my progress! Currently I have deleted all social media apps excluding tumblr and instagram which I use solely for my blog. It's amazing how much clear my head is.

In my opinion, the use of social media can be defined as: a method that is used to convince others and yourself how perfect your life is when, in reality, it is not. Social media gives only half a page instead of an entire book.

I know this post is personal and most of my other posts have been quite personal, but I think it's healthy to put our flaws out in the open and accept these hardships have happened and that life has more to give.

Remember, I'm on tumblr and instagram and am more active on those. Feel free to message me on either!

**All photos excluding the bedroom photo are mine, bedroom photo found on tumblr.**

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